Rough Edit

This is a proclamation of love!
Not to some man or woman
I've shared my bed with
Not to the family that's known me
For 24 long, hard years
Not even to camel cigarettes, red bulls and sex
The only three vices I've had for Heaven knows how long
So forgive me

This is a letter of love to
The girl I found in a 3rd grade classroom
(I was in 3rd grade too, so it's okay)
My guts spill the warmest love,
Even for her
Sparks fly through diamond-glazed eyes when she's near

Because she...
She would lie with trains for me
The same trains that might terrify her
Would fall victim to the heroic tenacity she wields
To protect me from harm

I share a cigarette with her
Unlike the way I share a cigarette with anyone else
The smoke we exhale is not hollow
But loaded with explosives
And when it meets
We are the still ones...
Save for the tremble our knees make
To shake off the terminal illness
Perched upon them-
Waiting to take us
As if we appreciate a guest list

I lack the fingers and toes
Necessary to count the corners
My girl has roped me out of
And I should feel guilty
Because like a small child I continue to fuck up
Knowing a clear conscience is right around the corner
Ready to lay heavy on my shoulders
Lifting me up to lightness that is "good"
But she says she doesn't mind
So I don't mind

The weight in my bones
That is the want to be better
Is drowned out by the need on my tongue
To be drunk with her

Taking over pretty bottles spilling tequila
Laced with euphoria
Lube our throats and
Lay a fire in our bellies
And stumble us out the door
We are rabid dogs foaming for the next big thing
Because we never fucking quit

Death waits behind the steering wheel
Unassuming of our strength
"With you," she says, "I am invincible."
"With you," I say, "I am invincible."
We beat him with goldenrod fists
To leave him lying on the curb in a mess of ash

Shared ownership of the world
And you better believe we take it
There is no property value
The keys are at our fingertips
Ready to unlock any door we see fit

Man, I want to be close to her
Far closer than I've been to anything before
I want to be inside of her
Not in a sexual sense
No, in a 'perched on top of her heart' sense
Feet kicking with every beat and pump
Careful not to kick too hard
Lest I cause a disruption

She makes me want to
Speak better French
Sans elle, je ne suis rien
Those ears don't deserve
My ship-wreck English
She makes me want to
Wear longer dresses
To prevent a sacrifice of strong morals
In favor of lustful desires
Regardless of my physical clothing
I am bare naked with her
Naked of all filth, shame, fear, fault and regret
Naked of all things but my
Cloak of 'content'

You see,
God once softly spoke in my ear,
"Now you have an idea of what's waiting for you up there."

She is not my church
But rather the podium
I liquor lean against
Without the podium
I trip over my own little toes
Crushing teeth
Bursting eyeballs
Splitting lips
And falling apart

She is not my church
But rather the reason I stand here preaching
Without the reason
I am lost in a cloud of doubt
Believing in nothing
Refusing to live or love or fight
Lying to the world
And falling apart

She is not my church
But rather everything held inside of it