If love were art, our walls would be bare.

I don't even know where to begin on this one. I refuse to believe that chivalry and good old fashioned dating are dead, but no one wants to prove me wrong. What I've been noticing with couples in my age group is, they got to where they are by sleeping together and eventually moving a toothbrush and their own shampoo and conditioner in. There was no approach that led to coffee that led to a few dinners that led to (insert fun, healthy activity here) that maybe led to sex. There wasn't a man who opened the car door for a woman. He never made an awkward phone call to say she'd been on his mind and he would like to know if she wants to go out again because she's uh, been on his mind. I don't even think they held or do hold hands in public.
I can't say I'm one hundred percent positive I know what I want, because I don't. But excuse my french when I ask this; What the fuck happened to a little tradition? Where is the passion and compassion and not giving it all away so fast? I actually have a few questions:
1. Why doesn't anyone date anymore?
2. Where has chivalry gone?
3. Why are people so afraid of the opposite sex after a break-up, yet they still run the risk of any attachment by having sex with said opposite sexy person?
4. Why is monogamy basically frowned upon by the members of my generation?
I understand if you don't want "a label." But really, if you're going to sleep with me, you owe me at least a lunch. I'm not even asking for dinner because that would just be too serious! And we know breakfast is reserved for the real couples. You know, the ones with "a label." I wouldn't mind if a man asked me to go... Anywhere but the bar. If we both need a buzz to converse, we're socially retarded - and no one likes a retard.
I was broken up with in October of '09. It was... absolutely devastating. But I got over it. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. Because I figured out that nobody likes a Debbie Downer. And the longer it takes me to get over it, the longer it's going to take me to find someone who will treat me good and be super hilarious and hopefully enjoy some of the same music and movies I enjoy. I don't understand it when someone says, "I just got out of this thing, so I'm not looking for anything serious." I'm not either, babe. But if it comes by me I won't deny it.
My relationship status is currently "stagnant". I am neither here nor there. If someone of interest wants to, I will date him and let him call me his girlfriend. If someone of interest wants to casually see each and just have fun with it with no attachment, I'm cool with that - but there are strings in my book. Ready for another list?
1. No one night stands.
2. It is not just on your terms. If I feel like gettin' fresh tonight, I should be indulged!
3. You don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to have a meal together - in public. So come eat bbq with me and watch a hockey game... Something!
4. Be monogamous! Be! Be! Monogamous! I know it's a lot to ask for, but I don't do multiple partners and I don't want to deal with your groupies.
5. I would actually like it if we didn't cuddle or anything. That's what a boyfriend is for. I'm a sprawlaaa!


As far as boyfriends go, if you don't know how to treat a lady, you don't need a lady. You can have one of the broads from 82nd Ave.

"New Post"

I haven't been able to write anything lately. By 'lately' I mean the past five or six months. I can count how many pages I've written by memory. Four. Four pitiful pages. I'm losing it. I can't lose it. This is all I want to do. I want to change the way people are. I want to make people look at the world and think "I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I'm going to!" I want to change the whole world. Mostly, I want to be admired and loved by all.
I need a swift kick in the ass. Complaining to a blog isn't going to do shit. Today I figured out what I want, what I need, and how to find a happy compromise. Well, actually, that's a lie. I did not figure out the compromise part.
I want to go out and be social and waste away at the bars on Hawthorne and Burnside. I want to be the social butterfly I was in school. The jokester. The "every woman."
I NEED to be in school, working two jobs, saving my money, taking french, and finishing this god-awful book I've been writing for too many years. 
I want a golden fuck-up. Someone in the scene, digging him/herself a hole and pulling me down with them. Someone I can soak myself in, make an adventure with, lust after, hate, lust after, save. I need the perfect muse - the one who will give me the perfect story.
I NEED someone focused who doesn't drink too much, who I might have a class with, who will call me or come over to make sure all my shit is in order. Someone who will encourage me to just be better. They'd say, "Calm down." or "No, no. You need to pay bills." or "You're falling - but I'm going to help you back up." "You're going to be juuust fiiine."



Where in Hell is there a happy - or even mediocre - medium there? I know it's right under my nose.
Give me what I want, not what I need, and your life will be much, much easier.