Mike Tomlin Must Give Good Head

I am a big fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. This has however, been a terrible season for them. On Sunday against Baltimore they should have lost big time. The final score was 23-20 Pittsburgh which put them at 8-7 so far this season. If you watched the game, you can understand where I'm coming from when I say Mike Tomlin must have sucked some major ref dick before the game. Baltimore was reeling in penalties and negating touchdowns like it was going out of style. I believe at one point, Mason from Baltimore was thrown an excellent pass from Joe Flacco and it BOUNCED OFF HIS FACE. That was shitty on his part.
This should have been about a 41-20 game in favor of the Ravens. I spilled my beer more than once anticipating Pittsburgh going down the tubes yet again. Big Ben threw 259 yards. A measly comparison to his 503 yards against Green Bay the week before. (Record is 554, by the way, apparently still held by Norm V Brocklin. I thought Dan Marino broke that one.)
I think my boys have a good chance to kick the shit out of Miami in a few days, but if they see the Texans, I fear the worst. Not really. That's me being over-dramatic. But I do worry.


I can't think any more. I'm just upset. All I want is for them to put in a little more effort. Oh snap! I have a theory I forgot to mention! This whole shit-show losing bullshit happened when Troy Polamalu's knee decided to be a little bitch. He's the golden boy! He needs to come home to the field! WE NEED YOU, TROY!



Until the third, I'll be a bored and lonely girl. I vant my footbol!

If it looks like horse shit and smells like horse shit, well...

Think what you will of me, but I really couldn't care less about Brittany Murphy dying. People die every single day, and everyone well wishes a woman who made millions being a bad actress? It's unnerving. No, it's actually a steaming pile of horse shit. Please note the fact that I feel sorry for her family and close friends. A loss is a loss, and the pain of losing a loved one is not one I'd wish upon a person.
As I was saying! Four United States troops were killed on November 23rd of this year in Afghanistan. Did I see any status updates on them? Did it even make the news? Can one of you name any of those four soldiers for me? Is anyone even reading this? Probably not. There were funerals. Mothers and wives buried their sons and husbands, received flags, and that's it.
I honestly hate living in a place where celebrities are your saviors and everyone else goes unnoticed. Oh, you miss Brittany Murphy dearly? You loved her so much? That's really deep. Did she ever tell you a secret? Do you know what she smelled like? Did she act different when you were alone as opposed to when her friends were around? Brittany Murphy didn't give two shits about you. Oh, and, I just love that she is now apparently your favorite actress of all time. Did Uptown Girls just change your whole life? It was Little Black Book for me. Life changing, man.

I'm going to tell you about a woman. Her name was Nicole. She was like the mother I always wanted, or thought I needed. I loved her. She had an extraordinary family - very rooted. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in February of 2006. It took a while, but radiation was going great. We thought she had beaten the odds, considering when they found the tumor it was the size of a softball. Everything looked to be wonderful. December of 2006, Nicole was informed her lung cancer was not beaten, and had spread to her brain. She died the following January.
This woman made such an impact on me, my life won't ever be the same again. She taught me how to maneuver California freeways during rush hour. She showed me that yes, I can appreciate a good boxed wine. And most importantly, she loved me, unconditionally. Her love didn't hold conditions for anyone. She gave and gave and gave, and never once did she take. She had a large family, and enough friends to share, and those are the only ones who knew her. The only ones who prayed for her. We were the ones consoling each other, speaking of her pure awesomeness. None of you fuck-twits. Nobody else knew. She didn't get every fucking headline in the country online and one paper. Maybe she should have been a drug addict. Ha!
She is one of millions who go every day. Children, mothers, aunts, doctors, scientists, mailmen, etc...

Go pray for your actress. It's just one more shitty, wasteful thing to add to your shitty, wasteful list of things already done in your shitty, wasteful life.
lolocaust

If Crocs were a living, breathing person...

I work for this company - some of you may have heard of it. And if you live in a trailer, or had eight babies with Jon Gosselin, you're buyin' what I'm slangin'. Good old crocs! You know, those rubber shoes with holes in them that come in every color under the sun? Yea, those. Hey man, whatever pays the bills... Anyway, I work for this company, and we have an actual store - not one of the kiosks at a damn mall. Oh, hell no. As a result of having an actual store to run, we have satellite radio pre-programmed as most stores do. I've been listening to the same songs for 14 months now. I feel like they're trying to murder me slowly.
One day I was sitting there listening to "Vogue" by Madonna thinking, "Who fucking vogues? Nobody strikes poses any more. This is not 1988. Madonna doesn't vogue!" And then... Oh, shit.. You know that song, by that chick who is totally fucking amazing but you can only handle in small doses? Well, just about every woman on the face of the planet is like that, but I'm talking about Cher. "Believe" came on next. And so on and so forth. I thought about every song that plays throughout the store every single day and I came up with only one conclusion; If Crocs were a living, breathing human, it would be a lesbian. Not a super hot lesbian, but not a total butchy, dykey lesbian either. No, there's a sweet middle ground. It's not grotesque, but you won't fantasize about it later.
I'm not going to go into great detail over this, but I'm going to give you a list of songs that I hear on the constant, and you can arrive at your own opinions. Also, keep in mind the shoes I sell. Please.
1. Madonna - Vogue
2. Cher - Believe
3. Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time
4. Melissa Etheridge - Angels Would Fall
5. Sheryl Crow - It's So Easy
6. Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
7. Kelly Clarkson - Miss Independent
8. Kelly Clarkson - Because of You
9. K.D. Lang - Just Keep Me Moving
10. Taylor Dayne - I'll Be Your Shelter
11. Elton John - Tiny Dancer
12. Christina Aguilera - Stronger
13. Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
14. Daniel Powter - Bad Day
15. Seal - Kiss From A Rose


These songs don't mean you're gay, and weren't all sung by gay people, but shiiiitt... If that isn't the ultimate "I'm one happy homo!" playlist, I don't know what is. It got slightly more straight as it went down, or maybe just from lesbian to gay dude, but... I hate my job. Even more, I hate the music I have to endure.


Fuck you, assholes!


DO YOU SEE WHAT I AM SAYING?!

I am not multi-lingual!

I am not a multi-lingual person. This website thinks otherwise. I can't find a blog I know how to read. Mostly I come across Japanese blogs. If anything, I can read Spanish. Those two languages are not similar, in the least bit. I'm kind of upset right now. I suppose I will finish my moobie.

The Palin Plague

I have been out of the closet for some time now. If you know me, you know I am very much openly republican. Come on, don't hate the player. A former libertarian who grew up in a very democratic, liberal, Christian environment, I once thought to think for myself. To take the wheel and learn what I could so as to make my own decisions about what I felt was right and wrong. The day came when I figured out there really is a grey area. Hence, the day I registered libertarian. I went to a couple get togethers, attended speeches by party members in California, and found this one thing out... Libertarians are democrats with dicks. Back in '71 the founders of the party were sitting there thinking, "You know what? These pansy ass bitches suck. Plus I want the Reds to like us more. Let's just meet in the middle." Personally I don't hate or judge people based on their beliefs. I just think they're possibly mentally retarded. I won't stand behind a party who lets immigrants cross borders. I won't stand by while the marketplace is looked over like an infant left laying on a bed, unattended. Just because it has a cool name like laissez-faire doesn't mean it can watch itself. I digress. I saw the light, and checked that nice little box reading "Republican." And now I'm seeing I can't be one-hundred percent happy anywhere. I'm much too old a soul to agree with people these days. I do stand by the republican party for what they believe, but sometimes those certain people come along that just make you ashamed of where you are. (43rd president, anyone?) That person now, and quite possibly for the next 4 years will be Sarah Palin for me.

Sarah Palin is a plague on the United States. She is not Suzie Homemaker with a brain in her oven. The woman is basically play-doh. A tool for the monsters of D.C. to mold. And that is most dangerous. I laughed when I heard Palin was considering preparing for the 2012 presidency. 'Really? She's the reason McCain went down.' was all I thought. And then Alex brought up a good point. She can be groomed so nice by the power wolves, and everything can change. They have 4 years to primp her, school her, teach her to skip the bad jokes and unbearable giggle and god-awful nicknames. She can be a champ in the making. It's terrifying.

Someone asked me, "Why? Because of the daughter thing?" No. "Because of the husband DUI thing?" Definitely not. And people should be ashamed those issues were ever made public. It has nothing to do with how she could handle major office. What does concern me about Sarah Palin is the fact she is not so much an anti-Semite, but that she won't stand up and say something if wrong if she believes so. I'm referencing to when her pastor made anti-Semitic comments during a sermon saying "...Jewish victims of terrorism were responsible for their own death. Had they converted to Christianity, they would have been saved."

As far as foreign policy may go, I'm sure she's racked up far more than 12 hours since her famous "I can see Russia!" ordeal. But not much time.

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept, 2008

Ha!

Sarah Palin is also a non-intellect. Not one for self improvement or any sort of contemplation. She would rather go by her gut, but lacks the skill and mental capacity to attempt to do so. Quite frankly, she lacks the mental capacity to do or say anything worth a dime. Fun fact of the day in case you didn't know. Mrs. Palin think it to be inconvenient and wasteful to spend money on fruit-fly research. Fruit flies - the invaluable subject in researching and curing hundreds of diseases due to their genetics. She also thinks Americans shouldn't let any funding go to IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act.) She must have some sort of mental handicap. My least favorite person is anti-research, obviously, but more important, she wants creationism to be taught in school rather than evolution. Creationism is religion. She wants my future kids, and your children of today to be taught that we all came from God and nothing else. What. The. Shit. Sarah Shmarah also seriously cut funding for teenage mothers, one house in particular that homes the underprivileged women and children - by more than 20%. Please, let's take into account Sarah Palin is against abortion, and her own 17 year-old unwed daughter gave birth. Huh.. This woman just screams confusion. And with her standing around ranting about Russia, thinking unwed teen moms don't deserve anything (unless Momz is governor) my face will fill with rose as the thought of being apart of this party.

I guess MGMT said it best. "Let's move to Paris, shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars." Because if Sarah Palin is groomed properly like Alex says she will be, we have no hope. The future of America is doomed. But for now, my spaghetti is done. I'm hungry and I'm alright.

THE SOUND OF UN-SETTLING

Here I am. New digs, new sense of the word "home" and I'm bored out of my mind. My only friend here in Portland (13 months in 6 days I've been living here - sigh) just moved back home to Kingman, Arizona. The hottest, most desolate place on earth. And although we never really hung out, I feel a lot more alone. I don't necessarily work a lot, but I do. I feel like that's all I do. And now I'm taking on a new heap of responsibility when the boss leaves. We're grabbing a manager from another store, and it's most likely going to be miserable. I'm basically like second in command to the second in command right now, and I'm happy with that. I feel okay telling people "you're slacking!" and "you really need to do your part around here!" It's just so fun. And when they don't listen, I feel even more okay telling them that's just not acceptable.
I'm in a pretty good sitch right now romantically. I love my guy to pieces, and I'm pretty sure he loves me back. I may or may not be getting a new dog. I'm still on the fence, as I'd feel like I'm cheating on my Ludo - R.I.P son. But everyone has to move on at some point, right? Right.
This is basically my introduction blog. After this, you'll hear all my opinions on people, places, foods, drinks, etc...
As for now, I'm just a twenty-something trying to cope until I have the energy to exercise my filanges again.